Review : Transporter 3

Transporter was a decent action film with high energy direction, but it took it's self way too seriously. Part 2 on the other hand seemed to know exactly what it was; a dumb, action packed thrill ride with a charismatic star leading the charge. This third installment is nothing but one big train wreck. Even the engaging Jason Statham can't keep this one afloat.

Transporter 3 doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense, but I'll attempt to give you the gist of the plot. Transporter for hire Frank Martin is badgered into making a delivery for a criminal mastermind. What has he been ordered to deliver you ask? Well, it takes Frank over half the film to figure out what any movie goer with half a brain could tell you inside the first fifteen minutes. Don't worry. I won't spoil it here. Beyond that, the big plot gimmick here is that Frank is fastened with a bracelet that'll explode if he ventures too far from his awesome set of wheels. Further complicating matters is Valentina, a spacey Ukranian who just so happens to be the daughter of a high ranking government official. It seems she's been forced to tag along on Frank's latest assignment.

The third installment of this moderately lucrative franchise pretty much represents everything I hate about so many of the action movies we've seen in the last few years. It's choppy, muddled, and annoyingly chaotic. Not that I necessarily mind shaky, hand held camera work. Such techniques worked in the Bourne series. I was even entertained by the kinetic, preposterously ridiculous Crank. Transporter 3, however, doesn't work at all. Great action sequences are great because they allow the audience to see what's going on. I'll be damned if I could tell you what the hell was happening in this movie. Furthermore, there's no rhythm to the proceedings. It's just a jumbled mishmash of quick edits. And to add insult to injury, the film makers have the sheer audacity to throw in some lame environmental message. The recent Quantum of Solace had similar themes and even though that picture is flawed, it's Raiders of the Lost Ark compared to this mess.

At the wheel once again, is tough guy Jason Statham, an action star who can be incredibly effective when given the right material. Look no further than this year's outstanding Bank Job. Here though, he can't manage to salvage the seemingly nonsensical shenanigans created by Fifth Element helmer Luc Besson and Karate Kid scribe Robert Mark Kamen. It doesn't help that spastic director Olivier Megaton can't keep the camera still nor can he go more than two seconds without making a cut.

Transporter 3 offers up a few moments worth mentioning. There's a hilarious scene in which Frank attempts to catch up to his stolen vehicle by way of a bicycle, and another in which the Transporter–in an eager attempt to get his car keys back--does a striptease for a sex starved Valentina. While were on the topic of Valentina, Natayla Rudakova is an absolute scream in this movie. Seriously, I laughed every time she opened her mouth. She's hilarious. Hilarious for all the wrong reasons, but hilarious nonetheless.

In the right hands, dumb movies can be fun. Unfortunately, Transporter 3 was just straight up...dumb!